Moodle.frab

Have you ever noticed that new relationships tend to fizzle out at or around the 90 day mark?

Why is that? It’s funny; lots of singles that I talk to have noticed the pattern, but they really don’t know why it happens to them, or to their friends.

Things seem to be going along fine, and then **BAM!!**  It’s OVER!

You might be left feeling blind sided, angry or just plain confused about what happened. Surprisingly little information is available on the subject, which is kind of a shame. But all is well! I’m here to clear it all up for you.

There are 3 Reasons why the relationship can go **POOF** within the first 3 months:

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1) The most common Reason is that you’ve gotten a chance to really, really know each other and you’re bored. The Exciting Hormonal Rush and the Thrill of the Chase has all calmed down, and now that you’ve conquered the person…you’re not that into them anymore. They may still be really into you, or not. But you know instinctively that if you stay around any longer, the other person may become too attached and the inevitable break up will be all the more painful months down the road. Plus, who wants to waste time in a wrong relationship?

2) The second most common Reason is that you’ve both let your hair down. After several weeks of dating,  you’ve gotten a chance to observe and experience each other in a variety of settings and circumstances. Up until now, you’ve been perfect Ladies and Gentlemen, following all of the Loveawake rules of  dating like a pro. You haven’t talked about your ex too much. You’ve been kind, generous, and displayed good manners. But that’s hard to keep up with if it’s not your natural way of being. Ladies, have you swapped the dresses and heels for sweats and an oversized T-Shirt, let your apartment fall into ruins and start swearing like a truck driver (like you usually do)?  Guys, have you lost interest in what she’s saying, finally admitted that you aren’t ready to settle down, and let your passion for sitting in the sports bar return to it’s pre-dating obsession?

You’re being who-you-really-are and you’ve learned who he or she really is. And your differences in values, lifestyle and goals are big enough to make for an impossible match. It’s time to pack up your tent, retrieve your belongings and break it off.

3) And finally, there’s the Big Ah-Ha. The Red Flag that you knew was looming.  If you’ve been paying attention to his or  her qualities and characteristics, you may have noticed something that is totally unacceptable to you. For the past few weeks, you were so enamored by this person, you were letting this bad habit or trait slide. You’ve been ignoring your little voice of reason. You thought you could live with his addiction or her neediness. Somehow, her OCD looked cute, and you reasoned that at least you’d always have a clean house. But now, near the 90 day mark, you realize this would be a very, very bad lifestyle for you. Perhaps you’ve been in a Red Flag situation before and swore you’d never do it again. This one is almost a combination of Reasons #1 and 2, only with a more powerful punch. Because you’ve made this EXACT mistake before, and it wasn’t good for you. At 90 days, you’re willing to admit that this relationship can’t happen. So you bolt.

All relationships, like a pregnancy, are really on probation for the first 90 days.

~ Don’t make any major decisions that depend on the person you’re dating

~ Keep your intuition well tuned, and be aware of any potential red flags

~ Know that you are in an exquisite interview process during this timeframe

~ Enjoy this stage! If this relationship lasts, it’ll be the last time you are in a new relationship!

 ~Most important rule for a new relationship: BE YOURSELF! You want this person to fall in love with you. The real you.  A great guy I once said to me “You be You, and I’ll be Me.”  Such great advice!

And in the meantime, please don’t feel badly about your relationship ending! Well, not for long, anyway. You’ve just learned some very important things. One, what you want your perfect man or woman to be like, and two…what your perfect mate can expect from you, too. It’s all good. Get back out there and keep dating. You’re getting closer to finding The One.