ELA 20-1 (AT-MB)

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1. Verb Tense Switches

When you write an essay, an exam answer, or even a short story, you will want to keep the verbs you use in the same tense. Remember, moving from tense to tense can be very confusing.

For example:  Mrs. Mallory sees her returning son and, in her excitement, twisted her ankle rather badly. Her sister calls the doctor immediately.

In this example, the verb "twisted" is the only verb that appears in the past tense. It should appear in the present tense, "twists," or the other verbs should be changed to the past tense as well. Switching verb tenses upsets the time sequence of narration.

"The Literary Present"

When you quote directly from a text or allude to the events in a story (as in a brief plot summary), you should use "the literary present." We write about written works as if the events in them are happening now, even though the authors may be long dead. Quoting an essay, you would write:

Annie Dillard wrote Pilgrim at Tinker Creek when she lived in Virginia's mountains. In the book's chapter, "Seeing," Annie Dillard contends that "vision... is a deliberate gift, the revelation of a dancer who for my eyes only flings away her seven veils" (17).

Here, both "wrote" and "lived" are in the past tense since they refer to Dillard's life, not her writings. "Contends," however, appears in a statement about Dillard's writing, so it is in the present tense.

When you write about fiction, you will also want to use the present tense.

At the end of Of Mice and Men, Lennie sees an enormous rabbit that chastises him, making him think of George.

Mrs. Mallard, in "The Story of an Hour," whispers "'free, free, free!'" after learning of her husband's supposed death.

The above examples are a plot summary and a direct quotation, both of which use the literary present. You can remember to write about literature in the present tense because you are currently reading or thinking about it. Every time you open a book it seems as though the events are currently happening; every time you read an essay it is as though you are currently speaking to the writer.

2. Sentence Fragments And Complete Sentences

Thanks go to Julie for the correction about conjunctions!

Fragments, or incomplete sentences, occur quite frequently when we speak, so it's no wonder sentence fragments are often found in formal writing. Consider this example:

"Hey, Sam, do you want to get some lunch?"

"I can't. Too much homework to finish before class."

Sam's response demonstrates the way we use fragmentation in speech. Though the remark includes the verb "finish" and several nouns, the sentence is a fragment. It lacks a subject and verb to define the sentence. A corrected response would include a subject and verb:

"I can't. I have too much homework to finish before class."

Learning how we use fragments in our speech will help us avoid sentence fragments in our writing.

Fragments in Writing

Sometimes fragments occur during the editing process, in trying to break up a longer sentence. Consider the following:

"In class today we talked about Byron's poem Don Juan and its main characters. Also Byron's own life and how it related to his works."

Again, the second phrase includes several nouns and a verb, but it cannot stand alone. The subject of the first sentence is "we" and the verb "talked." Since the clause is dependant (a clause that makes no sense except when attached to a sentence) it should not form a sentence.

Correcting a Fragment

There are two easy ways to correct a fragment. We'll use the example above to demonstrate each method:

1) Add a comma and connect the clause to the sentence

"In class today we talked about Byron's poem and its main characters, as well as Byron's own life and how it related to his works."

2) If the sentence becomes too long or wordy, add the necessary subject-verb to the clause, creating a second sentence.

"In class today we talked about Byron's poem and its main characters. We also discussed Byron's own life and how it related to his works."

How to Spot a Fragment

Put each phrase through a simple test:

• Does it have a verb?

• Does it have a subject?

• Can the phrase make sense standing alone (is it a dependent clause or phrase)?

Any phrase that answers "yes" to all three questions is a sentence. If any of the answers are "no," then it is a fragment.

Other hints:

Fragments often start with words like these. Some are prepositions, others are conjunctions, but both are words that normally join other words:

after, although, and, because, before, but, if, though, unless, until, when, where, who, which, and that.

When you see such a word at the beginning of a sentence, check for a proper subject and verb. If you can't find one, the sentence is a fragment.

ex. "We are going to play tennis outside today. Unless it rains."

Remember, even phrases which may have a noun and verb can be fragments if they could not stand alone. "Unless it rains" makes no sense by itself, so it should be attached to a sentence:

"We are going to play tennis outside today, unless it rains." or "Unless it rains, we will play tennis today."

3. Run-on Sentences

When readers consider how long some sentences can be and see that some writers never really worry about using proper punctuation or writers forget that humans only have so much breath in our lungs when we to read a sentence aloud, readers and writers would both recognize the nature of the problem posed by long sentences.

Have we made our point? If not, go back and read that sentence aloud. William Faulkner once wrote a story that includes an 1,800 word sentence. The rest of us, who do not win Nobel Prizes in literature, cannot pull off that particular trick. While the example above is extreme, overly long sentences often appear in student--and faculty!--writing.

Here are a few tricks and tips to prevent run-on sentences:

1) Take the sentence apart into its constituent ideas. From the example above, we have these units of thought:

readers thinking about long sentences that writers sometimes use; writers sometimes not worrying about the problem; humans being unable to read big sentences aloud; readers and writers could do something about the problem.

2) Divide the run-on into two or more sentences. Remember that varying sentence lengths avoids the other extreme of too many short, choppy sentences. From our example:

Readers don't always consider how long some sentences can be, and some writers never really worry about using proper punctuation. These writers forget that humans only have so much breath in our lungs. If we read more sentences aloud, readers and writers would both recognize the nature of the problem posed by long sentences.

4. How to Make Sentences Clear and Concise

Richard Lanham, a professor of English at UCLA, invented an easy-to-use method for making your writing clearer and more concise. The Writing Center strongly advocates Lanham's "Paramedic Method" for your writing. Here's how to do it:

1a. Circle the Prepositions. Too many prepositions can drain all the action out of a sentence. Get rid of the prepositions and find a strong active verb to make the sentence direct:

Original: In this passage is an example of the use of the rule of justice in argumentation.

Revised: This passage exemplifies argumentation using the rule of justice.

1b. Circle the "is" forms. Using "is" in a sentence gets it off to a slow start, and makes the sentence weak. Replace as many "to be" verbs with action verbs as you can, and change all passive voice ("is defended by") to an active voice ("defends").

Original: The point I wish to make is that fish sleep with their eyes open.

Revised: Fish sleep with their eyes open.

2. Ask, "Where's the action?" "Who's kicking who?" (using Lanham's own terminology here--to be precise, it would be "Who kicks whom?"). If you get stuck in a passive sentence always ask the question: "Who does what to whom?" If you use that formula you will always write active sentences.

Original: Burning books is considered censorship by some people.

Revised: Some people consider burning books censorship.

3. Put this "kicking" action in a simple active verb.

Original: The theory of relativity isn't demonstrated by this experiment.

Revised: This experiment does not demonstrate the theory of relativity.

4. Start fast--no slow windups. Stick to the action and avoid opening sentences with phrases like these:

• My opinion is that....

• The point I wish to make is that ...

• The fact of the matter is that...

4. Adding Action and Clarity to Writing

Avoiding Weak Verbs and Passive Voice:

Linking verbs include the following forms of the verb to be: be, am, is, are, was, were, being, and been. Contractions such as I'm, we're, and he's are also built upon linking verbs and express a state of being. Many writers, teachers, and professionals consider these verbs weak because they do not express any action; instead, they simply tell the reader that something exists.

Passive voice consists of a form of "be" and a past participle (look for -ed endings):

The student's name was mentioned in the newspaper. 

Passive voice tends to conceal rather than reveal information. In the sample sentence above, we do not know who mentioned the student's name or why he or she mentioned it. The following sentences also conceal important information:

• The decision was made. (Who made the decision?)

• The telephone bill was paid last week. (Who paid it?)

• The policeman was concerned by the stories. After hearing them, he was convinced that at least one person had committed a serious crime. (Whew! The second sentence drags on.)

On the other hand, these revisions provide clear evidence of "who did what to whom":

• His parents paid the phone bill last week.

• The senator made the decision.

• The stories worried the policeman. He knew, after hearing them, that at least one person had committed a serious crime.

Weak verbs allow sentences to ramble on; often the predicates of such sentences are too lengthy and contain confusing prepositional phrases:

Both Becky Crawley and Lily Bart are looked upon with disfavor on the very evenings of their greatest triumphs in front of audiences.

A revision of this sentence might eliminate some of the unneeded prepositional phrases and clearly state who disapproves of Becky and Lily:

Their audiences disapprove of Becky Crawley and Lily Bart even on the evenings of their greatest theatrical triumphs.

The next sentence should explain how the audiences disapproved of the women.

Expanding "Code Words"

How often do you read (or write) a sentence such as this:

"Shakespeare depicts Macbeth's changing persona."

Isn't "persona" a loaded word? Your reader might not understand what the word "persona" implies; Macbeth is a pretty complicated character! How about:

"Shakespeare depicts Macbeth's gradual metamorphosis from a loyal supporter of the king to an uncertain conspirator to, finally, a murderer and tyrant."